Sunday, January 8, 2012

Club Meeting 2: The Reconvening! (1/8/12)

01/08/2012 -- Cheese project
Attending: Krk and Kasia...and still Lucy, despite her lack of contribution to Clabber Club.

20:24 Meeting delayed due to chillin’ and imbibing. And a bike rack. And South Park.

And Val. Always Val. (Editor's note: Also Lana. She is a rawking way to spend time, too!)

Krk makes derogatory comments about Bulgarians. One in particular. He tells ya.

As per decision from reconvened meeting the minutes of the 01/01/2012 meeting were read in a variety of [mostly dramatic] fashions by one Tom Dewey. Not Don’ty. Some fashions were more Cleeseian (Cleesian? Cleesical? Cleeusical? Cheesy?) [Krk shares an interesting factoid that may or may not be true about John Cleese.] than others. One was in his original accent even. In all, a rollicking good time.

So why are we here?



Ah yes. Cheese.

Not Cleese; that’s another club. And blog. Probably.

In the past week, Kasia made gift cheeses for Cristina (per last meeting), but has failed to actualy GIFT them, not having SEEN Cristina in that time. They are tasty though. Not having posted to the Clabber Club blog about said cheesemaking, Kasia doesn’t recall what went into the cheeses.

To the phone for photos!

All members have photos as far back as the clabbering of the cheeses, but not the actual milk. This will be researched and a complete blog posted this evening. The milk was clabbered with buttermilk, heated to 125 degrees, a tsp of lemon juice was added to ensure thorough curdling, and then divided in half and hung in hop sacks. Half was treated with salt, and the other half with blueberry juice and cayenne. The result was a combination of twarog and devonshire clotted cream. And it was delicious. And it’s still in the fridge.

Kasia also made a raw milk cheese. The milk clabbered and then was heated and treated with rennet at 96 degrees. The curd was then cooked at 108-ish. Ish. Indeed. After salting and pressing, the cheese was broken into curds and shaken in a container with salt.

Then Krk came home and we ate all of it. In like 10 minutes. Jesus. We have a problem.

Krk has physically left the meeting now to heat raw milk from Dungeness and Organic Valley lowfat cultured buttermilk that has been clabbering for 36 hours. He hopes -- aloud -- that it doesn’t make him sick. From the sound of gloppy, chunky pouring into the pot, it sounds like the milk has thoroughly clabbered, and suspicions rise among remaining club members that the cheese will indeed make Krk sick. So, so very sick. But we’ll have a taste anyway. We have some sick leave stored up. And that bullshit leave they gave us after they cut our pay the last time. Fuckers.

The remaining human member attending the meeting notes that only she has sick leave, as the cat does not have a job. The cat will also not be trying the cheese, as it is neither Dorito powder nor my tuna from back in the days that I could still have tuna.

8:43 Krk returns, triumphant, from heating the milk, and adding cal, salt, and rennet. The milk didn’t taste weird or smell funny. This is good news. Indeed. But we’ll see how we feel about the situation when it actually comes to eating the cheese. The hanging vs. hanging and pressing decision will be made when ladling the cheese later tonight. “If the curd looks nice and...tight...oh yes, it will be pressed.”

That sounds dirty, but we’ll just type it and not say anything, as it also sounds gross. In the context of dirty. Not in the context of cheese.

Goat Milk Cheese

Ah! Clabbered Summer Hill goat milk and Smith Bros. lowfat cultured buttermilk. Clabbered for a day. Krk heated it up to 86 degrees, and added salt, rennet, and cal. The curd (still in whey) was allowed to sit 30 min to set, cubed, then brought up to 110 over 30 min., and kept at 110 for 30 min. It was tasty after it was hung and pressed, cut into cubes, and salted again. We didn’t eat that one quiiiiite as quickly, as Kasia has been off the eating part of the cheese venture, beyond sampling nibbles and in-process QA.

Indeed. ISO something-thousand certified QA. The curd is just that good. Or, uniform. Whatever those fancy certifications do. Or would do to cheese.

Per last week’s plans, the club has completed all tasks except oiling the cheese press. Let’s put that one on this week’s To Do list, and pretend we didn’t miss it last time. Like Kasia does with her normal To Do list. “Boy howdy, am I productive.”

Today, the club purchased milk from our Jersey guy’s daughter (we presume), as well as their spreadable fresh cultured cheese and “jeddar”....which Kasia guesses is jack + cheddar, but had gouda consistency according to Krk. Kasia agrees. It was tasty. Kasia suspects this might have been the result of a botched jack process, not unlike her nice, mild, dry cheddar. But bigger. So moister. More moist. Like nut meat. Nutmeat? Nut-meat? No, that would be an adjectival form. As in, “The nut-meat moisture in this room makes it sultry.” Throw Momma From the Train was a great movie. Why did what’s-his-face get all crappy? Krk reminds Kasia that what’s-his-face is named Billy Crystal. To summarize the conjecture in a tone consistent with that one film where he does the cattle drive: “His funny well done dried up.”

Krk remembers the name of every movie apparently. Or at least ones Billy Crystal was in. Then he rubs in that he was in screenwriting class, and Kasia takes on a FANCY TONE as appropriate. Read that last sentence with increasingly FANCY tone. OK, Krk was not being schmancy, but maybe I want to take a screenwriting class. Or I could be like the guy in the Bowery in LA at 2 am with Screenwriting For Dummies open next to him at the bar. Or I could read one of the like 30 books on screenwriting not more than 3 feet from me right now. Or I could read something more interesting.

Fair enough. Indeed.

Hm.

Back to cheese. Krk thinks he’s going to hang this current cheese. It’s looking kindof gloopy.

Kasia will break into this week’s cheesemaking after payday on Tuesday. Yay!

Krk will make more of his now famed cream cheese with today’s purchase of jersey milk from Silver Springs, whole cream from Twin Brook, and lowfat cultured buttermilk from Sunshine Dairy Foods. From Portland. Krk says excitedly that we can call them. Kasia points out that we can call a lot of people. The phone system now connects to many places, and not just Murray Hill or wherever Mabel will deign to plug in the jack. We can also visit them.

Today Kasia bought thermophilic culture and mold to make a cow’s milk brie. This will be our first attempt at brie. The results may well be somewhere between shocking and hilarious. And awesome. Either way they will be awesome.

Krk bought cheese wax and butter muslin. This reminds Kasia that she also plans on disinfecting the cheese cave (read: cooler in the drafty closet) and finding tupperware that fits to make multiple cheeses without cross-contamination. This includes maybe a jack-ish gouda. Let’s take a cue from Silver Springs, and call it Jouda. Judah? It’s bound to offend someone.

Kasia proposes that when we standardize a bit more and have certain cheeses we make consistently, we give them moderately offensive names. Krk agrees. We will make it so.

Having typed that, Kasia also proposes that these minutes be read sounding like Patrick Stewart. Or Willem Dafoe.

Kasia does not want to explain to Krk why we can’t have this read by Steve Buscemi. At the very least, cost and travel might be a concern. Or getting him on the phone.

Though he is very indy friendly. That may apply to cheese blogs.

Judah.

Judah

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The name Judah can refer to:
All later individuals, groups and places of this name are directly or indirectly derived from this Judah.

[edit]Ethnic, political and geographic names and terms

  • The Tribe of Judah, the Hebrew tribe whose members regarded the above as their eponymous ancestor
  • The Kingdom of Judah, the Biblical kingdom ruled by the royal line of David
  • Yehud Medinata, the Babylonian and Persian province organised from the former kingdom of Judah
  • Judea, the former territory of the Kingdom of Judah after its demise (c. 586 BC), being successively a Babylonian, a Persian, a Ptolemaic and a Seleucid province, an independent kingdom under the Hasmoneans regarding itself as successor of the Biblical one, a Roman dependent kingdom and a Roman province
  • Iudaea Province, Roman province, with the Latin spelling
  • Jew, derived from Hebrew "Yehudi" יהודי (literally, "Judean"); the derivation is more clear in German "Jude" and in Slavic "Zhid"
  • Judean Mountains, modern Israeli name for the mountains around Jerusalem, politically divided between Israel and the Occupied West Bank
  • Judea and Samaria, official Israeli name for the West Bank

Other places

[edit]People

[edit]Given name

[edit]People called Judah


[edit]Persons that had Judah as their first or middle name


[edit]Surname

  • Henry M. Judah, American soldier
  • Theodore Judah, American engineer who dreamed of the first transcontinental railroad
  • Gerry Judah, Artist and Designer
  • Tim Judah, historian and journalist
  • Yoel Judah, American 3x world champion kickboxer and boxer & trainer
  • Zab Judah ("Super"), American world champion junior welterweight & world champion welterweight boxer

[edit]Organizations



Yup. A cheese that does all that. And a brie. Awesome.

Awesome. Like a hot dog?

Yes. Like a billion hot dogs.

Krk bought some Strauss Family Farms whole milk yogurt. It’s not “yah-furt”. There’s no “h” in it. Unlike “herb”. There’s a fucking “h” in that one. But Krk didn’t buy that today. Nor does it come out of a cow. Ew.

Krk’s plans for the yahfurt:

Yahfurt cheese. Salt it and hang it. Let gravity do its thing. Or thang. Definitely thang.

Plans for the week:

As above: Judah and brie. Yahfurt cheese.

Also: Queso fresco

FLAPJACKS. And make it big. Like FLAPJACKS
What was wrong with those young men? Sigh.

That’s evidently a longer list than there are Judahs. Note: phrase to use more frequently: “Why, there’s more of that than there are Judahs.” Also: “Like a hotel room in Oklahoma city.”

Also begin writing The Snows of Dubrovnik.

Krk wants to make it known that he loves that Met Market has quarts of Twin Brooks heavy cream. Not like those pussy little pint bottles. What the hell are those? Like you find everywhere else.

That’s good for a week. Plus a random impulse cheese.

Heaters don’t do anything unless they’re plugged in. Tell your friends.

Meeting adjourned 9:19. Indeed.

Meeting unadjourned to discuss the merits of butter as a form of cheese. Kasia asserts that fat is not a protein. This is a revelation to most of the world. Particularly here. Let’s not go to the park anymore, Smithers. There are too many fat children. But Krk did buy a cultured butter this week as well. It may be good. He hasn’t tried it.

Try it! That’s the joy of pseudo-live blogging.

Krk unwraps the butter like it’s a Wonka Bar. The butter is yellow, and smells like butter. Run home Charlie! Krk takes a small sample and tastes it. Nods pleasantly. It tastes like sweet cream butter. Total ripoff. Organic Valley’s pasture butter is better.

Goat butter.

Buffalo butter.

Cat butter.

Ew.

Cat butter is made from malk. It’s grade F. We like to use dog or better. Not cat or rat.

Unless that cat is a snow leopard. They’re hard to milk, as they tend to tear your throat out. Then the butter hardly seems worth it. Try it if you dont’ believe us.

Thank you. Goodnight.

Meeting re-adjourned 9:25 pm.

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